I can't escape you...

So just moments ago, I found myself looking at my ex-girlfriends Myspace page. We dated years ago, and I haven't seen her in about 6 months, yet I still think about her from time to time. What I don't understand is why I will, every month or so, think about her and let my heart drop into my stomach once again. For some reason I just felt the need to check her page and see if she was single. It's quite sad. I mean, I date other people, I am happy with everything, but she still is in the back of my mind, and just pops up randomly.

I hate to admit this at this point, but I guess you could say she was my first love. She was actually my first girlfriend and we were amazing together. We met at a friend of mine's birthday party, she is his cousin. She asked me for my number at the end of the night and we started talking. We talked for hours on end everyday and started going out soon after. We lived across town from each other and had a tough time finding time to spend together. After a short time I made a mistake that I've regretted for years.I told her that we didn't see each other enough and maybe we should just be friends. I look back at the day now as my equivalent of D-Day.

She was beautiful, no one could deny that, and though, I'll admit, she didn't have the best figure (not fat, but not supermodel thin, in my opinion, perfect), I didn't care. I had fallen for her. I can't get away from it now, and it will haunt me for the rest of my life possibly. Every time I hear a love song or a breakup song, she pops into my head.

Every once and a while we will show up at the same party, run into each other at the movie theater, once, she randomly IMed me. Every time we come into contact I just start to hurt more. I tried to make things work again, but it never worked out.

Once, we were actually talking, which was very rare now, and possibly had a shot at getting back together, then she started talking about some other guy. I got jealous and started asking questions about him. She got annoyed by that. She started acting rude and ignoring me and I said some things that, I admit, probably shouldn't have been said. In the end, she deleted me from her Myspace friend's list, and we haven't talked since.

I still think about her from time to time. I remember how amazing she was. how great we were together, how much she made me smile. Then I remember how much I screwed up.

I don't know how to get over her. I have moved on with my life. I date. I have really liked other girls since then, but none like her. I wish there was someway to erase her from my brain so I would never have to hurt over her again, but at the same time, I wouldn't trade my memories of her for anything.

I just want to be able to listen to music without her face popping into my head.

Yet, I don't really want that the most... what I really want the most is a miracle. I want her and I to start talking again. I want us to put the past behind us. I want her to remember how perfect we are for each other. I want her back.